I only know how to love from a distance.
You call to me to come closer and I do,
Inch by inch, I walk into your embrace—
But your arms suffocate me.
I try to not breathe deep breaths
I try not to want the full expansion of my lungs
I try not to long for the pleasure of a simple stretch, unencumbered by your cage.
But I fail.
I push at your chest and you release me,
I take a breath like I’d never before breathed.
You, angry, hurt, come at me with those same arms, ready to suffocate me again;
And I, scared, hurting, turn my back to you and flee.
The gap widens,
I leave you behind.
When I turn around you are but a silhouette
And I can finally smile.
From the distance I can see your dreams,
All of the good in you.
I yearn to be near you.
But I know it would be better
To set myself aflame
And cast light on your shadowy figure from afar,
If only so you can see
Why you shouldn’t want to be near me.